Evil is what you make of it,

Not bad, all in all, although I'm not feeling to well - upset stomach and nausea. Even an hour after returning home. (the buses are really doing a number on me.)

I've thought today that a patch on the left eye will help me force the right eye to work while reading. The problem was only figuring out where to get the damn thing. We really had no idea at first, and my optometrist was out today or else the store was closed, because there was no answer there as well. So' I've ended up going to SuperPharm and asking them, and they did, actually, had just the thing. It's not comfortable, and it's pressing too hard on the glasses,but it works.

I’m conflicted about going to work with it, though, knowing very well that going with this thing will be both: physically uncomfortable and might result in pressure wounds around my eyes; might be awkward, very much, since it looks so ridicules. However, it will also assist very much with the eye sight problem, so. Don’t know yet.

However, a second day in a row in a rather crowded shopping mall took much spoons from me. (I'm not comfortable in closed, crowed places, to say the least. It's an overload on all my senses; eyes, touch, emotional empathy. Which is extremely strong in me).

So we plan to spent the evening lazing about and recouping, despite the fact that there is work to be had. The story for PurimGifts is done, at the worst if I will have no spoons for the other two bunnies running in my head right now, we will offer that one only as a treat/pinch hit (if I'll be called on of course)

* Icon a good indication of status.

* Bus drivers a a menace to public health: Aside from the fact that I'm nearly throwing up from nausea (sea sickness, made worse because of how jumpy is the ride in most buses), they love to stop suddenly and with violence – each time I’m almost thrown half way across the bus or else having my arm nearly twisted. Not fun.

*Sleep doctor today – adorable woman. Who, upon hearing all the issues and symptoms, diagnosed my sleep issues as the kind she can’t help. Because I can actually fall asleep most of the nights – the problems is that I have a very shallow sleep, with vivid, lucid nightmares, and that I wake up every two hours. And that I have hyper-sensitive issues to full bladder, dry skin, noises and so on. (she recced me to consult an urologist

* However. She did rec me something that might very well work on several issues (if not necessarily on the sleep issue ): There is a Workshop on Mindfulness in Shiva hospital. In this Workshop there are therapist who teach and provide tools that should assist dealing with stress better. Among other things, they aim to teach us to learn how to reduce Autopilot Mod: That is, to avoid as much as possible thee pattern of Automatic thought-reaction mode. That will do me loads of good. It’s 1000 NIS, 8 weeks. The big minus – I will need to leave work every week on 14 to get there on time.

*Rest of the day went slow. The Morphine patchs begin to cause me problems – constipation…so I had to take the extra 5 MG, and now I wil actually try to eat things not allowed n the Crohn diet in order to resolve this one.

Let's start with the good, shall we?

I went to my neurologist today, and showed him the MRI scan. The results are, indeed, perfectly normal.

Also, since there is no increase in the epilepcy since I've started Concerta, I'm allowed to take it every work day - 5 days a week. He reced t0 avoid in the weekend, unless there is something that will cause me stress or extra mental effort. (i.e - family meetings, social gathering, and so on.)

Also, I was able to function at work today despite sever strain (as a result of the latest family crises). That was not something that was doable two months ago.

The less fun part of the day - for some reason my period opped to come a week early (got it yesterday). I'm in sever pain. Copping with careful physical work right now, that will be followed by a shower. And than we will watch Master Chef.

Oh, one other thing: Sine my emotional satima has increased, I've decide (after reading the books) to try stamina had increased signifisntly, I've tried watching the 100. Watched episodes 1-4 in a row, and I'm hooked. Too pieces.

The show has it's problems. The race issue, for example had me inching. And yes, quite a bit of violence. (The Charlotte scene....I saw it coming from the start of the episode, and still needed recouping time after). And some holes in the writing. OK? And the ethical situation both on Arc and Earth is difficult.

But, but, but. There is a solid arc, fascinating characters, an interesting world, holes or not, and I'm in love with Clarke, and oh, god, Octavia. Am fond of Jasper, and I think that Bellamy will grow up. And god, Abby, love her to.

And there is honesty here, people facing up horrible situations without running from the ethical messs and problems, without sugar-coating, and i'm awed.

AM told it gets better.

I mean to spoil myself in order to prepare for triggers (there were parts I fast-forward - the graphic ones of Clarke treating Jasper, and, well, forced to make a horrible decision to mercy-kill someone else.

So. I will continue to be very careful, and I promised antongarou that as part of the Safe Red lines rule I will pull back if it becomes too much. (and by now I can trust myself to honour that. he does, as well).

But so far as trigger-reaction goes - so far, so good.

* Oh, boy, it's even worse than the previous wave, if I recall correctly? That's bad. Very bad.

* I'm dealing better, though. Probably since the Conentra is assisting by upping my BP, as well as in managing myself better. I'm drinking much more since I've started, for one - between 1.5 and 2 Litter per day.

* Also, workr day went very well, and I was able to reach my target for the first time.

* Another major accomplishment - I'm working now on breaking bad thought patterns and obsessive thought loops. Well, today was great. Had only one or two baby loops, and was able to cut them a few minutes after they started. Thats? one of the most important thing i wish to accomplish as part of my rehab, so I'm very happy. I also understand how I did it today and will work tomorrow on the same basis.

*Babies do not like the heat at all, but we are leaving them plenty of water so they are fine. Right now I bought them new ball, and they are running around happily playing. Watching them kick the ball between them is amusing - they are actually coordinating movements. Am not sure about it, but I think it's not usual in cats. As far as I know.

I'm too tired to post much. Four days at home, and I'm still not out of the deep, deep pit of exhaustion the Urticaria attacks had thrown me into. I'm having difficulty walking around the house, it's that bad.

At least the rash is gone, for the most part? I have now a great big list of "do not's" and I'm avoiding every single item in it. I'm using baby hyper-allergenic soap and body cream, and still take Telfast and zinc. So I hope to be able to be off the Telfast in the next few days.

Weather is yuks, and another reason to stay at home,loath as I am to admit it. The dust in the air will not help my breathing issues any.

Just tire, tired, tired.

Let's have a pic or two:

This baby is adorable, so much:

An adorable kitten

He thinks he is a small enough for a Lap:)

another of those adorable big laptop dogs. I can so see Pinuki in a few month on Hagar's lap like that:

And our G:

G napping and looking adorable