Evil is what you make of it,

One thing I've learned through experience is that in some cases, there is no significant different between C-PTSD (Chronic) and Personality Disorder.

And so, in those cases,some of the copping mechanism between PD and PTSD are quite the same.

That’s why in my opinion, no matter what type of anxiety problem you are struggling with, it is important to know the facts about anxiety.

Anxiety is a normal and adaptive system in the body that tells us when
we are in danger. This means that dealing with your anxiety NEVER involves eliminating it, but rather managing it. It only become a problem when your body tells you there is a danger, while there is no real danger.

Anxiety is a common factor both in PTSD and is some emotional-based Personality disorders. The good thing is that we can use the same tools to manage it.

One of the most useful tools I’ve encountered is: Breathing. (sometimes called “diaphragmatic breathing). Calm breathing is a technique that helps to slow down your breathing when feeling stressed or anxious.

However, it does require some practice.

Calm breathing involves taking smooth, slow, and regular breaths. Sitting upright is usually better than lying down or slouching, because it can increase the capacity of your lungs to fill with air. It is best to ‘take the weight’ off your shoulders by supporting your arms on the side-arms of a chair, or on your lap.

1. Take a slow breath in through the nose, breathing into your lower
belly (for about 4 seconds).
2. Hold your breath for 1 or 2 seconds
3. Exhale slowly through the mouth (for about 4 seconds)
4. Wait a few seconds before taking another breath

And now I am falling into sheer depression again. Why, I am really not sure. But I know the warning signs well enough.

Part of it has to do with wedding freakout. Part of it has to do with sheer loneliness – or, more likely, my own triggers. I translate some things as a rejection, even when there is little to no base to it. And when I do X and receive a Y, or not receive any reaction at all, I react badly to it.

It does not help that I have nothing to do today. No work, no orders, hardly anything in Queris, I have already done what my TL asked me. So, when I have nothing to busy my mind…

I can read, yes. I had discovered the Riftwar Saga books. Don’t know how I managed to miss them till now. And they are excellent read, and I delight in them, and in having a new book to read.

But.

In two weeks I am supposed to go dress shopping with my sister, Hagar, and my mother. And I did not talk with my mother about it. I did not confront her with “this is the date the other two can – not to mention myself – so, make yourself fit with us. Arrange your schedule around us, instead of vice versa for once”.

I don’t like confrontations. I hate them, in fact. I fear them. It’s violence for me, it’s a threat over my wellbeing and safely, and I shrink from it. It has to do with my parents being rather violent with each other when I was a child, with my father breaking a wall with his fist in anger over me, and I was small, than, an 8 years old, and I was afraid. It has to do with the children throwing stones in me in school breaks.

And I am afraid. Afraid. The one thing I have slow progress in is the sex therapy. Cause touching that hurts so much, and I can’t progress without pushing those borders, and those are wounds that never healed. It’s not that they healed wrong – they never healed at all.

I have - weird mind. I think. Extremity flexible in some ways. Extremely adoptable .That’s what allows me to progress so much in the last few month. And I did – I am aware of that. But also, extremely wounded. And even my adoptability only goes so far.