eta- me being an idiot

I must say I find the nearly absalute silence (relatively) in the Open Space...creepy. Big time creepy. Am all alone in my row, and there is almost no one in sight. Don't like it. It's depressing.

And I am doing what I can about it - chatting by Pandion (it's like an internal IM program) with one of the few people her; listening to music in youtube; (which I am hooked to all day - we are meeting with DJ's this week and I want to come prepered with my favorite songs and style and so on.

So, I really don't know why this silence is getting me down this badly. Most of the day was really OK - I am doing a report for Meriav - it's one of my monthly projects. And listning to music and exchanging song names and artiests by mail with Hagar, which is really fun for me. But...

It's not derpession - it's actuall fear. And that's really strange.

Well, I have an hour more here and than am off to the Acupuncture treatment. Leg - knee, reather - is not better, so I will have to talke with him about it. Am not sure what's wrong there.

Oh and tomorrow we are finnaly going to that orthopedic surgeon- some one who is an expert in back and skeleton problems. I might also consult with him about the knee issue, right? Even if he is an expert in back issues. There might be a connection to the ongoing back problems.
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All right. Was fooling myself - it's dissociation now. I should have known that a level of fear this disturbing will turn into dissociation at some point. Only, I did not know how to deal with it, as I was already using my emerg tool - listing to music.

Damn, damn damn. Am not happy with this. And am much less happy with myself. I keep fucking this up