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God, I am a worryknot – to a ridicules degree.
No, never mind what brought that on – it’s enough to note that I worry about my loved ones a lot more than I should, and about myself a lot less than I should. And I don't know what is worse, frankly.
I mean, I will prefer to take harm to myself rather than doing something I think will hurt others. Even if they are not loved ones. That's what happened with those 6 am shifts, after all - Meirave made it very clear to me she is under orders and that if she will allow me to come later to work, it will be on her head - so I complied, despite the fact the I knew I had good reason to worry.
Which reminds me I need to have the talk with her. I need her to understand the damage those shifts did, so that I will not be in this position again. Ever. Will write down the points I need to raise with her in a post later, so that I will not forget something important.
Anyhow – today is going a bit better food-wise. I took care to eat humus with my bread instead of cheese, and that had me sorted out nicely till lunch, almost. It looks like I am indeed fat-starved – before I started to seriously do this diet my body took it’s fat from the sugar and carbs I supplied it. Now I eat less carbs – by far, and no sugar, so of course I was starved.
But fat is easily supplied, all I need is small amounts of oil, to thhina, or humus, and such. Don’t have to eat fatter meat. ( Hate fat meat with a passion. Can’t touch it. I several times threw up after I ate fat meat, and it was not
Don’t have to eat fatter meat. ( Hate fat meat with a passion. Can’t touch it. I several times threw up after I ate fat meat, and it was not
because the meat was bad. Just, can’t digest it. So now I don’t touch it at all.
At least this time it did not take me a whole week of starving to figure things out - nor did I need a chewing-up, either. That's good.
No, never mind what brought that on – it’s enough to note that I worry about my loved ones a lot more than I should, and about myself a lot less than I should. And I don't know what is worse, frankly.
I mean, I will prefer to take harm to myself rather than doing something I think will hurt others. Even if they are not loved ones. That's what happened with those 6 am shifts, after all - Meirave made it very clear to me she is under orders and that if she will allow me to come later to work, it will be on her head - so I complied, despite the fact the I knew I had good reason to worry.
Which reminds me I need to have the talk with her. I need her to understand the damage those shifts did, so that I will not be in this position again. Ever. Will write down the points I need to raise with her in a post later, so that I will not forget something important.
Anyhow – today is going a bit better food-wise. I took care to eat humus with my bread instead of cheese, and that had me sorted out nicely till lunch, almost. It looks like I am indeed fat-starved – before I started to seriously do this diet my body took it’s fat from the sugar and carbs I supplied it. Now I eat less carbs – by far, and no sugar, so of course I was starved.
But fat is easily supplied, all I need is small amounts of oil, to thhina, or humus, and such. Don’t have to eat fatter meat. ( Hate fat meat with a passion. Can’t touch it. I several times threw up after I ate fat meat, and it was not
Don’t have to eat fatter meat. ( Hate fat meat with a passion. Can’t touch it. I several times threw up after I ate fat meat, and it was not
because the meat was bad. Just, can’t digest it. So now I don’t touch it at all.
At least this time it did not take me a whole week of starving to figure things out - nor did I need a chewing-up, either. That's good.
