Entry tags:
day post
Today was a very good day, overall. I was able to function at work productively till almost 16, and than when I felt tired, I didn't push it but slowed the pace down.
And than![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
antongarou and I braved the heatwave (no exaggeration here) and went to meet Gita together. There are several issues that needed being dealt with that influence us both.
The first I can discuss in open lock - I have come to the reluctant conclusion that I have some tendency for Self Harm - emotional and otherwise. My overdoing things at work can be put under that, although the trigger here is economic fear. But my not stopping at red light goes beyond reasonable fear. Also, my reading too many stories about homeless dogs and so does nothing but depress me, without helping them.
So, we have discussed the issue, with me going a bit deeper and understanding that the main trigger here is guilt - I am afraid that because of my disabilities I will be fired, be unable to find another work, our economic statues will decline sharply, and "it will be my fault, for not being like everyone or going to work sick like my father". (yes, he does, as a routine, despite the fact that he has to operate. Am not sure how smart is that.)
Anyhow - Gira advised that every time that I feel myself falling into this loop, to treat it immediately. Write the negative thoughts down, and start working them out and processing them, and explain to yourself why you should not feel guilty.
And than, set a red line - if I feel the start of crippling fatigue - no matter when - not wait for the collapse but cut and go home than and there. Ravit will prefer my coming for three hours and cutting in time than pushing and collapsing for three days. And it's far more considerate ofantongarou and of my health.
So, I promised to look up this guide line on bad days in order not to forget.
And than
antongarou and I braved the heatwave (no exaggeration here) and went to meet Gita together. There are several issues that needed being dealt with that influence us both. The first I can discuss in open lock - I have come to the reluctant conclusion that I have some tendency for Self Harm - emotional and otherwise. My overdoing things at work can be put under that, although the trigger here is economic fear. But my not stopping at red light goes beyond reasonable fear. Also, my reading too many stories about homeless dogs and so does nothing but depress me, without helping them.
So, we have discussed the issue, with me going a bit deeper and understanding that the main trigger here is guilt - I am afraid that because of my disabilities I will be fired, be unable to find another work, our economic statues will decline sharply, and "it will be my fault, for not being like everyone or going to work sick like my father". (yes, he does, as a routine, despite the fact that he has to operate. Am not sure how smart is that.)
Anyhow - Gira advised that every time that I feel myself falling into this loop, to treat it immediately. Write the negative thoughts down, and start working them out and processing them, and explain to yourself why you should not feel guilty.
And than, set a red line - if I feel the start of crippling fatigue - no matter when - not wait for the collapse but cut and go home than and there. Ravit will prefer my coming for three hours and cutting in time than pushing and collapsing for three days. And it's far more considerate of
antongarou and of my health. So, I promised to look up this guide line on bad days in order not to forget.