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Icon raid
Went on an icon raid, and found 2 icons which will probably cause you a sugar overload... but it made me smile. And D who is sitting next to me cooed all over them.
The guys came over at 21:00 or so. I did not manage to rest, and they are currently playing a game I find uninteresting, so I am sitting here posting instead. I fear DW is becoming addictive. And icon raiding is fun. Life seem a bit less bleak than they did an hour ago.
Also, I think that writing about stuff that trouble me is helping. It forces me to face things instead of flinching away from them.
I realize now, as part of this process , that a major part of my adult life I spent fleeing from things. For some 20 years I avoided therapy despite the fact that I needed it urgently, and knew it. I knew I have several broken bones (metaphorically speaking) that did not mend. I had realized that as a result my life are severely limited. But dealing with stuff was so difficult. And so I did not deal, but lingered instead in a state of limbo, excusing it to myself every time, blaming lack of money, time, energy, you name it.
The truth is I was - am- afraid to deal with the most painful stuff. Than, three months ago a close friend gave me a good slap on my hand,(after dealing with my depressive episodes for months and trying to convince me to start therapy already. ) And I decided to stop running away and start taking care of my self.
I don't know yet that I will succeed,there is a good chance I will not. But for the first time in my life I am trying. And that has to count for something, doesn't it?
Yea, I think I am a bit better than and hour ago.
The guys came over at 21:00 or so. I did not manage to rest, and they are currently playing a game I find uninteresting, so I am sitting here posting instead. I fear DW is becoming addictive. And icon raiding is fun. Life seem a bit less bleak than they did an hour ago.
Also, I think that writing about stuff that trouble me is helping. It forces me to face things instead of flinching away from them.
I realize now, as part of this process , that a major part of my adult life I spent fleeing from things. For some 20 years I avoided therapy despite the fact that I needed it urgently, and knew it. I knew I have several broken bones (metaphorically speaking) that did not mend. I had realized that as a result my life are severely limited. But dealing with stuff was so difficult. And so I did not deal, but lingered instead in a state of limbo, excusing it to myself every time, blaming lack of money, time, energy, you name it.
The truth is I was - am- afraid to deal with the most painful stuff. Than, three months ago a close friend gave me a good slap on my hand,(after dealing with my depressive episodes for months and trying to convince me to start therapy already. ) And I decided to stop running away and start taking care of my self.
I don't know yet that I will succeed,there is a good chance I will not. But for the first time in my life I am trying. And that has to count for something, doesn't it?
Yea, I think I am a bit better than and hour ago.