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day post
, and I've noticed that manual, boring, repetitive tasks are nearly unbearable to me. Things like household stuff - folding close, cleaning, and so on. I wander if it's related, but will tell that anyway.
Also, this lack of patience thing - me being at times unable to avoid cutting someone in mid-sentence because I want to participate in a conversation, or me sending a mail and than freaking out because it takes some hours to get a reply, and sometimes I don't get a reply at all.
Might that also be ADD related? or just the result of PTSD, or just a personal failure of mine?
I don't know, but I think that I could put almost everything in my life, or in my behavior, under the "Is it ADD/ADHD/PTSD related". I will probably make the first stage of the exam this week, and will know my results soon enough.
This not-knowing is causing me a great deal of anxiety. I am biting my nails now. My stomach rolling with pain. And over what?! over such trivial. It does not really matter. If the problem exist, it will hopefully be diagnosed and than I will be able to start treating it.
Ah, I see. I am afraid I will not be diagnosed. That's it, that's why I am all in knots right now. I am afraid I will not know what the problem is, and than will continue to be stuck in Limbo. of course. I am eager for a diagnose, I will be highly freakout if there will be no diagnosed. And sitting and waiting emphasizes the real issue. It's that I am afraid that after the whole procedure, I will still be without answers, and stuck in the same place.
All right, now that I understand - will try to convince myself to let things be and wait for the results, freaking out before is useless. And when I get the answer to when I will do the exam this week, I will schedule the other things as well accordingly. That's all. No need to panic. What's the worst? No certain answer. It will suck, but I will have to deal with it.
Anyway, now I have to go back to household stuff *sign*. and than do homework for the therapist today, am seeing her at six.
15.21
I have read this link: ADD
And it now looks to me that I do fit the ADD profile, after all. So many symptoms there I can check; My tendency to loose things; Tendency to daydream and woolgathering; the great gap between my intelligence and my results in school and Uni, my far too often impulsive behavior, my bad habit of interrupting into a conversation; my inability to stay sited for longer than half an hour, and need to hold things and play with them, or else kick something - violently, or else just up and move about. (I would drive my mom to distraction with that one. She would so often yell at me to just : "stop it! stay put and focus , damn it!" And I could not.)
Well, will know for certain soon enough. I think that like many other highly intelligent and gifted people, I had learned to mask some of those symptoms from the environment, and bridge some of the gap. But just some of it. I did not pass for normal as a child - but neither did I pass for a child with learning syndromes; not with my intelligent and high language and me reading 120 pages per hour. So.
Oh, god, my neck. I twisted it somehow at night, the pain is unbearable, and me cleaning now did not help any, damn it. I can hardly move it. And it hurts so much. No gym today, that's certain.
Also, this lack of patience thing - me being at times unable to avoid cutting someone in mid-sentence because I want to participate in a conversation, or me sending a mail and than freaking out because it takes some hours to get a reply, and sometimes I don't get a reply at all.
Might that also be ADD related? or just the result of PTSD, or just a personal failure of mine?
I don't know, but I think that I could put almost everything in my life, or in my behavior, under the "Is it ADD/ADHD/PTSD related". I will probably make the first stage of the exam this week, and will know my results soon enough.
This not-knowing is causing me a great deal of anxiety. I am biting my nails now. My stomach rolling with pain. And over what?! over such trivial. It does not really matter. If the problem exist, it will hopefully be diagnosed and than I will be able to start treating it.
Ah, I see. I am afraid I will not be diagnosed. That's it, that's why I am all in knots right now. I am afraid I will not know what the problem is, and than will continue to be stuck in Limbo. of course. I am eager for a diagnose, I will be highly freakout if there will be no diagnosed. And sitting and waiting emphasizes the real issue. It's that I am afraid that after the whole procedure, I will still be without answers, and stuck in the same place.
All right, now that I understand - will try to convince myself to let things be and wait for the results, freaking out before is useless. And when I get the answer to when I will do the exam this week, I will schedule the other things as well accordingly. That's all. No need to panic. What's the worst? No certain answer. It will suck, but I will have to deal with it.
Anyway, now I have to go back to household stuff *sign*. and than do homework for the therapist today, am seeing her at six.
15.21
I have read this link: ADD
And it now looks to me that I do fit the ADD profile, after all. So many symptoms there I can check; My tendency to loose things; Tendency to daydream and woolgathering; the great gap between my intelligence and my results in school and Uni, my far too often impulsive behavior, my bad habit of interrupting into a conversation; my inability to stay sited for longer than half an hour, and need to hold things and play with them, or else kick something - violently, or else just up and move about. (I would drive my mom to distraction with that one. She would so often yell at me to just : "stop it! stay put and focus , damn it!" And I could not.)
Well, will know for certain soon enough. I think that like many other highly intelligent and gifted people, I had learned to mask some of those symptoms from the environment, and bridge some of the gap. But just some of it. I did not pass for normal as a child - but neither did I pass for a child with learning syndromes; not with my intelligent and high language and me reading 120 pages per hour. So.
Oh, god, my neck. I twisted it somehow at night, the pain is unbearable, and me cleaning now did not help any, damn it. I can hardly move it. And it hurts so much. No gym today, that's certain.