ernads: ENOUGH (enough)
ernads ([personal profile] ernads) wrote2022-08-17 10:03 pm

Was not here for ages

I did not write here for a long time. Life had become very busy. But i feel a need to return, as writing is one of my main tools to handle fear and well, terror.

The last few weeks were too good, and now i fear i am coming apart again. I feel a rise in anxiety, fatigue and pain. I feel an increase in dissociation and a decrease in my awarenece and handling abilty to handle this, and i am terrefied. It's like feeling myself falling down in slow motion, seeing the horrible days of the winter hunting me down again, and i fear i will loose the battle against my worst enomy:myself.

My resourses are limited, my workload increasing, i am about to start a new course in three month. If i will not stablise my self untill than, a complete breakdown is certain.

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