Evil is what you make of it,

I hope this step will be helpful

Sun, 20 Dec 2015 21:58:53 GMT

I've decided that instead of sitting around and crying how lonely I am, to try to do something about it. So I've googled a bit, and found out that there are several support groups for people with depression and other issues like mine. There is even a support group in RG every Sunday evening, quite near my apartment.

So, joined the form and applied for that group, and I'm waiting to hear more details tomorrow.

Maybe having some people to talk to who go through similar issues will help somewhat. It's even not online but with actual interaction, which is more what I need, I think. And it will get me out of the house.

Also, I went and (after consulting with antongarou at some length about it) ordered a mechanical scooter,for adults (can carry 100KG). Made of Aviation aluminium, had a study build and shock absorbers. Not build for speed but build for safety. I mean to play with it in our park (there is a nice big one near our apartment. )

Again, it will get me out of the house, and it will fun . Just thinking about it makes me feel more cheerful.

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Some sort of episode - sheer rage, but still an episode of a sort

Mon, 06 Jan 2014 15:48:15 GMT

I am an a …searing rage again. It’s almost beyond my control. I have those sudden spikes of intense need to break something, over the silliest things. It does not take much to let it loose.

So far, no harm, no visible …crazy behavior on my part. I am taking breaks, and doing the muscle tone mediation, in my attempts to contain it. When it does not, I am actually going to the bathroom and there let myself go – snap the door shut with all my might, slam the toilet header down, that sort of stuff.

But it’s…horrible. It’s a tickle in my brain, a fierce inch I only partly control and I don’t know why or how or what happened.

Am living this open, on the same basis as before – it’s the one way I am comfortable communication my discomfort, and it’s an non-intrusive one. Had I started an IM chat with Hagar right now, or called Anat or Shear – that’s intrusive, and until I recover, I will avoid IM talks or phone calls. But DW is a non-intrusive mode of expressing yourself, and it’s passive communication on my part.

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Wed, 28 Dec 2011 09:42:33 GMT

Well,I had better mornings. Or nights, for that matter. It will just have to be one of those days.

Slept under 5 hours, third night in a row. Might be one of the triggers of this current episode.( Read more... ).

It will end,I know it will.I always snap out. Just have to wait this out.

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